2008 Part 2.
I am wondering wonder how much I have changed throughout the years. And how much I will change in 2008.Have been re-visiting some of the previous posts. This is one important function of a personal blog - to track your own changes along the way.
GCS commented: I 'have the worrying trend' of becoming more religious as I get more stressed. Hmmms. I don't know what is wrong with that, because rational people can still believe in things that are not empirically provable, as long as we know where the boundary should lie. We have different ideas as to how 'faith' should be defined as well; I won't go into that. This is one change - I used to belong to his camp. Now I am shifting to the middle of the spectrum. Why, and what? I don't know.
I tend to annouce my study/career plans on the blog too - which change all the time as circumstances change. There is a general direction, but so far I never seem to be able to decide on the details. A scholar has his life planned out only if he doesn't want anything else other than a secured job. I don't just want to be a pawn.
My attitude towards a scholarship changed too. I still do not yet feel cheated but realised that a government scholarship might not be the best thing a high school kid should aim for. I am going to tell that to my DHS juniors in summer. This is something that you won't completely believe unless you see it for yourself - like I told Wen Hann, if I have stayed in Singapore I would not have known stuff that I know now, hence I wouldn't have known that staying behind might have been a better choice if I have stayed behind. Complicated, but true.
At the beginning of this blog I was hopeful in terms of relationships, though recently my old self came back - i.e. the importance of relationship issues returned to the original level. Though some stuff that are done cannot be undone; I want to apologise (for not being sufficiently understanding and for being stupid) but don't know how to, so I just left it as it is. Mr. Koh says that I am a 'kok' (?!). Oh well. So be it.
(Alright alright. Sorry for not being sufficiently understanding and for being stupid...)
Even my reading preference has changed. I ceased reading Chinese books altogether for the previous year, and I started hunting down fantasy writers and enjoyed their books (sorry I don't enjoy my class readings). I only see Chinese on the computer screen over the Internet these days. Learnt a bit of Chinese Internet lingo but don't want to use it.
Also recently watched a record-high number of plays/musicals in a year, entered the cinema at a record-low frequency, read a record-high number of pages in English, wrote a record-high number of pages in English, started to like hiking and the outdoors more, figured that I can actually become a history student, and started to be able to sleep soundly on planes.
Good? Bad? Too bad I didn't write this in 2007. Should have. In 2009 I'll see what I can add, what I can remove, and what I can keep.
I will continue to morph. My door is always open. Come in and try to change me. I still have a lot to learn, and I have leant a lot too, from various people and various things. I will go out and find stuff that can change me as well - this will never end, and it sounds scary, but the life of a person is, like, that.
