>Ferret: I have been praying about it - I believe that I will know the answer when the right moment comes... >Songyu: that is too poetic already man. I don't think the kind of life that I am heading towards will be 'sweet', but I don't suppose I will regret anything...
Finally got my new skin!
The banner is basically a summary of my adventures: from left to right, sheep soft-toy looking out of my bedroom window; Biopolis from the Proteos/Genome skybridge; Johns Hopkins Hospital; Cambridge's King's College Chapel with Sushi.
The idea 'life is not fair' - well, is a concept that looks nice on the human right declaration, but once you hit the realisation that 'it is never supposed to be', it will not bother you much anymore, because the realisation will make all perceivable comparisons completely pointless.
It is precisely because life is unfair that we end up in various positions filling up various roles. We are all here for different purposes, and we will fulfill our purposes differently because we are all different.
Thus - we should spend more time in finding our own purposes rather than lamenting about how we did compared to other people, how many bungalows he has and how many bungalows I have, and he can hire a $1000-tutor for his child while I have to teach mine myself.
As for me, I am not too bothered with material wealth and enjoyment (I was complaining previously because I can't even survive without putting myself in debt), thus that explains why I am absolutely not interested in any job in the finance sector even though they promise millions of dollars. But I still don't know what my purpose is supposed to be...
I am pretty sure I am the kind of person in which if I can get a comfortable Honda to drive I will see it as completely pointless to get a Jaguar or Lexus - like I don't even bother what kind of cell phone I use as long as it works and is cheap, and flying SQ is not something necessary if it is not one of the cheaper options.
Thus, as long as my family can live comfortably, I am not bothered if I can't get a lot of monetary returns from my (disproportionately heavy) work - I believe I am pretty well-known for doing more (and being better - and thus I seem pretty intense) than what is expected of me most of the time.
I just need to be doing something that satisfy me. But exactly what does, that would be my purpose that I still have to find. To put it generally, I want to do something that will affect people's lives significantly, using my interests, strengths, skills and knowledge, and it seems that being a doctor-cum-scientist works...
And it is also precisely because life is unfair that we need to do social justice. To me, a society is functional as long as those who think they need help will get help, and channels for social mobililty are smooth. Life doesn't have to be fair, but as long as there is general social justice it doesn't matter that much...
Life is not fair. It is never meant to be. As long as we can survive and not need help, we should be thankful - and comtribute ourselves to social justice!
Article from Zaobao. The points that I find important are bolded and has a different colour.
I have nothing against meritocracy - but as this article points out, meritocracy might seem fair but in fact it might not be; the difference in starting points very often determines the difference in outcome. Singapore has always been preaching to us that meritocracy is the best system and we always have unreservedly believed in it; it is no doubt a system that works but it is always good to take things with a pinch of salt.
Meritocracy can work better. The author's idea seems to be pretty similar to the idea behind affirmative action, but I think there is a subtle difference between the two.
(We have actually already got a pretty large increase in our allowance this year! :P)
Yesterday was A*STAR day - the directors were here and we went down to somewhere near BWI to eat fantastic crabcakes (they loved it - luckily...). I went to speak to Prof. Bernard Tan and Prof. Miranda Yap privately about my Duke/NUS plans; I got a lot of valuable points to think about from both of them. It definitely wasn't a waste of time.
I didn't get to talk about the money issue (because it was running late...), but I got to tell Cheryl about it pretty thoroughly. I think she understands why we are so upset about it now...
Hopkins builds character! Surviving here itself is a test of faith. The competition is extreme, yet still we have to worry about money and safety, in addition to the ubiquitous problems like travelling 6 miles everyday to lab, experiments not working, managing with household chores... We have the same amount of responsibility towards A*STAR compared to others who might not even have 50% of the problems we have. I didn't even include things like missing home and relationship issues...
And to bring in the materialistic side of it, it is not as if I can include 'cleaning house almost every week and cooking almost everyday' into my CV? When I am doing all these, others who do not have to (having enough money helps) can spend their time doing things that can be.
But those people who know me will know - I chose everything myself. I could have stayed in the Homewood for my research; I chose A*STAR + Hopkins over Cambridge and NUS med; I chose to have a car. No one forced me to do anything; everything just happened. I don't even remember why I applied to Hopkins. It is as if - I am supposed to go through all these.
If two years from now I will really choose the route that I am the most passionate about, it would be almost confirmed that my whole life will be something like that. When I am training as a doctor I will still have to stay current with research (~surviving between lab + double major); I will have to juggle between family and work (~housework and work now); when my peers who are pure MDs are getting their third bungalow I might still only live in HDB (~comparing with people who get automatic raises every year); when my peers who are pure PhDs are professors I might still only be an assistant professor (~comparing with people who don't have to be distracted by various other issues except relevant work)...
Everything seems to echo thoughts that I ever had about my life over the three years here, albeit at a much larger scale.
Numerous events accumulated to channel me here... If A*STAR didn't stop the MBBS/PhD scheme in 2004, if I had decided to go with the crowd to seek the most prestigious to become LKY's alumni, all the way back to if I hadn't had Mr. Yue as my VP when I was in Sec. 3 - I wouldn't have come to Hopkins at all, I wouldn't have gained all these experience, life skills and realisations.
I actually didn't plan to write this - and I didn't realise the match that you have just read as well when I began writing this...!
This is the hardest set of things that I have made myself do for the past 2 years.
The class meets 4 times a week, homework everyday, quiz every week, in addition, everyday there are new things to memorise...
They haven't bombarded us with the grammar; and because of that I am completely confused as to how to form a sentence that is correct.
On the other hand I feel very happy about it - finally after talking for 2.5 years I really started learning German! I will try to persist through these two semesters but after that when I go back to Singapore it will take quite a bit of effort to continue for one more year... Though seriously, if I don't continue for one more year, my first year of German would be completely wasted...
I am looking forward to the day that I can actually use the language to actually communicate with people :)
And did those feet in ancient time Walk upon England’s mountains green And was the holy Lamb of God, On England’s pleasant pastures seen
And did the Countenance Divine, Shine forth upon our clouded hills? And was Jerusalem builded here, Among these dark Satanic Mills?
Bring me my Bow of burning gold; Bring me my Arrows of desire: Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold: Bring me my Chariot of fire!
I will not cease from Mental Fight, Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand, Till we have built Jerusalem, In England’s green & pleasant Land.
>God Save The Queen<
God save our gracious Queen, Long live our noble Queen, God save the Queen: Send her victorious, Happy and glorious, Long to reign over us; God save the Queen
Thy choicest gifts in store, On her be pleased to pour, Long may she reign: May she defend our laws, And ever give us cause To sing with heart and voice, God save the Queen
My teachers are seriously not the kind that will consider cutting their students some slack.
I have -
1) German quiz tomorrow. One chapter of vocabulary and phrases to learn tonight. 2) Every week without fail there will be at least 3 cell biology papers to read with delicate care. AND he just gave us another problem set today to be due WEDNESDAY. 3) 6 + 30 + 9 + 10 pages of 'the cosmological arguments for the existence of God' by Friday. 4) 20+ pages of ancient Greek medicine and then Epidemics from the Hippocratic Corpus. 5) Cell and tissue engineering quiz on Thursday - I don't know what he is going to quiz on but well it's a quiz. 6) Some mini history project due 26 September...
Okay that's all that I can remember for now...
DIE :(
BUT: I am not going to let this fill my whole life. I rather not sleep :P
I should stop worrying about my lack of knowledge in medicine.
Ultimately, what is going to set me apart from most is my liberal arts education, and the undergraduate training I had in the basic sciences, research methods and its history and philosophy.
Since I have set my mind onto going back to medical school, I would have my share of stuff to mug then... And I will know everything I need to know then, and probably I might even be able to value-add that using what I am learning now.
Hopkins is a life-changing experience. I need to focus on what I need to do for now!
By order of CHM, I need to post some pictures of my new room.
So - This year I no longer live in university housing - I saved at least $430 a month on rent just for that. But because nothing is provided for, we spent a solid week moving and buying stuff and setting up things - in fact, the setting up part has begun even before I went back (I was calling BGE and T-Mobile, yc was calling the ISP...). We were finally done - and the photos showed the results (we set up the folding door, the lights, the curtain by ourselves; transported back home 2 mattresses + 1 spring board tied to the top of my car, went to Walmart/Bed, Bath and Beyond/Home Depot in 2 consecutive days with my car filled to the brim...).
And I fulfilled my environment-friendly agenda - I got myself one clothes rack and a laundry rack so I won't need to use the dryers, all my bulbs are 10 - 15W energy saving bulbs, and both me and Yiran got ourselves fans - no more air-con needed! But hmms I can't avoid using the radiator when winter comes though...
Next. ________________________________________________ I would probably have an easier life writing a blog that simply reiterates what I have done for the past couple of days... At least, if I do that, I will definitely not make friends who read this space upset and decide not to be 'as close friends with me as before'.
But - what is the point of writing a blog that consists of just that kind of stuff? A blog is like a dairy, something that allows me to complain, to reflect, to express my views - of course, because my blog is a public space I have to exercise discretion; and an added advantage would be that it allows interaction and the exchange of ideas between my friends and me.
Clashes of ideas always happens - how is it possible for two people to agree with each other all the time? If a person just wants others to agree with him and is not open to other ideas, his life will never move forward. GCS and me have been yelling at each other since years ago, Tk has a completely different way of handling relationships compared to me, PSH has been conveniently using me as a human shield for as long as I can remember - that hasn't affected our friendship.
I love it when I receive comments - it doesn't matter if those are dissenting or agreeing comments. When you comment, it's doesn't only tell me that you have actually read and thought about what I said, but you are also trying to tell me something that you think I need to know. That is awesome - because, by doing that, you are trying to understand me and at the same time, trying to make me understand you.
I will keep my blog this way - it will not only consist of my daily life, but it will also contain what I have read, what I have seen, what I have heard - politics, philosophy, religion, history, current affairs, science, etc etc... Things that I am happy about, things that I am not happy about, things that I am thankful about...
By the way, Natalie said, 'Let just all be balls of glory of God bouncing around campus!' Seriously, only she can think of something like this...
Transiting at Hong Kong; will have nothing to do tonight except to sleep.
School will start as soon as I get back. The coming semester is projected to be very busy.
It is amazing to find out that other than the two A*STAR guys there should be 3 more guys and 2 more girls who will be Singaporean freshmen this year. I have not met them - I am looking forward to! We are organising something this coming Sunday!
There will be a couple of administrative things to do before things can actually start running. There is still no Internet at our new house; I would suppose we will need to survive on library Internet for a while...
Also looking forward to meeting with Dr. Lotan who will be my new collaborator. She is apparently very interested in what I am doing and is willing to do a lot of things that I have no time or resources to do so I really do hope that the project can leapt forward from this year onwards!
Quite a bit of Singapore stuff as well; AGA director will be coming on 21 Sept, and there will be this Singapore Seminar in Boston in October. I would most probably go - treating it as a friend-meeting opportunity lol!
Other stuff like HCF, tutoring will also occupy quite a large bit of my life. And also a lot of reading and papers and practices... MCAT also...
Travel plans include Peru and Italy; I will be expecting Songyu at least for Thanksgiving this year; mum will come earliest late April to start her relatives-visiting tour before commencement.
This is going to be a busy yet fun year. Will see what happens!
