Pretending.
It is never easy to 'pretend'.'Pretend' nothing happened when something actually has, 'pretend' everything is okay when it isn't, 'pretend' that you have no special feelings for someone when you actually have...
Why do we have to 'pretend'? According to what I understand, we pretend because we have to protect someone, not hurt someone, or to avoid embarassment.
Sometimes, we pretend because we do not have the courage to face the truth - pretending is a way of evading, escaping.
I have been using this tactic for the past year to attempt to convince myself to bring something about myself back to normal, and I have actually almost completely succeeded - it's just that it has never been an official closure.
I really admire sushi - she doesn't even attempt to pretend.
http://hiuyan.blogspot.com/2008/04/thoughts.html
When would I ever have the courage to write what she has written in this space, where I know everyone, and not only people who can understand a specific dialect of the Chinese language, can read?
This is what I wrote, in an almost satirical tone, about me, as an answer to someone's question:
http://hk.knowledge.yahoo.com/question/question?qid=7008033103312
I wrote the answer first, prompted by the guy who asked the question, and then I went to talk to sushi about it, which made her write that post, and when I read hers I feel obliged to write this too.
I will continue to not care unless she has something to say to me about the issue, which is the key to an official closure, but I am fine without - I've long ago accepted that.
I still have to pray harder for strength and guidance!
P.S. - I'll talk about how I became more and more religious as I lived my life in the US in a later post. Now, with 2 midterms looming in 2 days' time, I should try my best to do well first :P
Labels: Philosophy and Religion, Relationships
