2 Things.
1.Read an article written by Cexiang in his blog; hmm I'll write my reply here:
Scholars are paid by the government to excel in their studies and subsequently return to serve the country. I do believe that scholars should have the mindset that their purpose of existence is to serve. A scholar is not made a scholar because the country wants to recognise whatever talent he has, but the country expects him to utilise his abilities to do whatever best for the country.
To take up a scholarship is a commitment a scholar has made. That puts him in a position which requires him to be even more humble than before, which makes the 'exclusiveness' tendency even less justifiable. Given the social environment we are in, it would be difficult to change the 'scholars are superior' mindset in some people. However if the scholars themselves are able to recognise that such a mindset in them is not healthy and damaging, a lot of criticism surrounding the scholarship system can be neutralised, and it would be able to genuinely serve its purpose.
2.
Read the ultra long entry on Kenneth's blog about his birthday! Really really felt happy for him :) and haizzz apparently I only realised that that day was his birthday when it was an hour past...... :(
That generated some thoughts in me. A few of my close friends popped by my place and gave me a surprise on my 21st birthday last year; I am very grateful to them. However, I know, from these 22 years of my existence, that it would be almost impossible for me to receive such granduer comparable to Kenneth on any special occasion that relates to me. Why?
It has to be something to do with me.
Probably it is because of the fact that I prefer to keep to myself too much. Well, I left Singapore very discreetly and did not tell people actively when I am leaving at all. So basically, I received calls from friends when I am already in Baltimore asking me 'whether I will be joining them later'. Same goes, I do not actively make friends with people, I do not remember details about my friends, and I do not (almost never) call up/SMS/MSN friends just to chat.
Give and take. I cannot blame anybody.
I realised that is not the way, if I want to know people, keep in contact with people and know people better. However, I also feel rather weird if I were to do all three: I have not been doing them! It is definitely not because of my family; my sister can do it, my mum is an expert in it, my dad, well, yup I think I resemble him in this aspect then. But then, still......
So how? Try to be as happy as possible with what I am and make myself feel happy by working hard and doing well lor... In this aspect, I really do not know how to change... and I really do not know whether I will like it if I force myself to change...
I realised this tendency of people around me: people tend to 'look up to' me and seeing me as a 'problem solver' rather than someone who they can talk to. That excludes my best friends; probably that's why they are my best friends. It is not something that I like; I really don't know what's wrong in me that created this tendency... Someone tell me...
Just some useless self-reflection. Of the biggest weakness I see in myself which I do not know how to rectify...... :(
