Dear Sister,
I am proud of you.Don't credit me - save that 1/3 of the credit and give it to our parents too. It is them who give us what we have now, and it is their values that I am carrying whenever I nag you. Even without me around, you can still be what you are.
I won't pretend I understand what you are going through... I have not gone through something like this before. Probably the most similar case I had was just before I left for the US two years ago... when I have to go back to HK twice and solve those problems, once with mum and once with dad. I saw mum go through similar stress - the kind of helplessness when you know that if nothing is done something bad will happen but you cannot do anything. I simply exploded when I saw how irresponsible he was for himself and even then tried to ridicule us.
From what I read and from what I heard from mum you are handling the situation excellently. Though I ask you for one thing: for the good of our aunt motivate our two cousins to do things that they should do as sons. Pull them to one side and teach them if you have to and if possible. You can't be the only person showing that level of care in our generation. Aunt Bonnie knows - she is the patient, she is most sensitive to these things - and if she sees too huge a contrast it is not good for her emotionally either. Though you can't don't care - you still have to do your best. But to the best of your ability get our cousins to do the same...
You can do it. This is something I can do if I am there.
This is not the time to blame anyone as to why things turn out this way. We all know where the responsibility lies. It lies within our family - our uncles and aunts take care of them too well, to such an extent that they don't need to care about anything, and we are too far away to be of any influence. You feel helpless because you are not of the right generation to say or do anything, which is true. But our cousins also need a positive influence from their peers, which you can act as one. Seriously, I know nuts about them - I don't know what to say to them most of the time, you told me before that you don't either - sigh, maybe you should call them out for a meal or coffee or hang out for an afternoon after everything is over and talk to them a bit.
I just told mum - we just have to accept who everyone is. It is impossible for someone who is not trained to handle any situation even in normal circumstances (like choosing subjects?) to miraculously become someone like you when crisis hits. We cannot even demand that from them, because even if we do so they'll just stand there and cry. But if you want to do something, you can be a good influence - but don't let the uncles and aunts say things like 'see how well Hiu Yan handles things, not like you...' because that will only backlash.
Although you are the youngest in the family we didn't want you to be dependent - and you have proven that you aren't. Just remember, we are always there for you, just like you will always be there for us. And you are doing better than me in your studies now! Which is great! Haha congratulations on your scholarship! :)
Mum intends to go back to HK next Tuesday, she just told me. Let me know of any updates, so that I can prep myself and prep her a bit. Because we don't stay in HK, we should act as mediators, not trouble-makers... I know what to tell her NOT to do, but you have to tell her what TO do. Once she arrives your responsibility is over - except the physiotherapy part - and focus on the cousins then. I will tell mum that, whenever possible and if the two of you want to do something for our cousins (and for our aunt and uncle), she has to talk to everyone. And she has to be the one to initiate it.
Take care!
Brother Goat
Labels: Life
